The Republican
The Republican
Most liberal Americans (yes, liberals can be Americans, too, only with a small “a,”) don’t know much about us Republicans. Just as we Republicans, sometimes, get it wrong about liberals. Here’s an example: not all liberals are gay. Did you know that? That’s news to some of us. Likewise, not all Democrats are communists, just most, (I want to try and get a little nuance in there.)
So, for the liberals out there, here is a day in the life of an average Republican.
I wake up at the crack of dawn, take off my camouflage pajamas, and go get me a big-ass cup of coffee, black, with a little cream. (Talk about integration!) Then, I sit down to read my favorite newspaper “The National Enquirer.” Because a man’s got to stay on top things, keep informed. I like a little music while I’m being educated, so I put on my favorite 8 track, “Songs From Ole Dixie.” Next, I get dressed, black on black, t-shirt, jeans, a 45, locked and loaded, ready to protect America from foreigners and other un-American types.
Since I’m retired, I head off down to the VFW. Now, I ain’t never served in no wars, especially no foreign wars. But I did live in Miami for a year, so they let me join, and honored me for my bravery. After knocking back a few dozen beers, while having some important conversations with other enlightened patriots about overthrowing the government (this was mostly during the Obama years,) I head out to patrol the city. You’ve always got to be prepared, so I make sure I’m ready to deal with whatever by running my checklist; 45, loaded? “Yep.” Stainless steel bowie knife, sharpened to a fine point? “You bet.” A-R 15, with plenty of spare ammo? “Hell yeah!”.
Next, I find me some gays, some foreigners, (including the kind who were born here,) maybe a transgender (whatever-the-hell that means,) and I keep an eye on em.’ And, if I see some foreign-born type, with one of them, head coverings, looking like Mo-ham-ed! I follow them, too, lettin’ them know, America’s watching. “You got that!” Real Americans. Not none of them half-way Americans, like liberals and such.
About that time, my trigger finger’s gettin’ kind’a itchy. So I go down to the swamp and blast the heads off of some of God’s woodland creatures, which makes me feel better. I mean, if God didn’t want us to kill, how come it’s so much fun?
About that time, it’s gettin’ kind’a late.
Heading home, at the end of a hard day, I thank the Lord that he made me an American, and not one of them foreign people. Do they got Budweiser beer? Hell no! Do they got Merle Haggard and re-runs of “Hee Haw?” Hell no!
And that, my friends, is what makes America, America.
Sincerely – The Republican
Most liberal Americans (yes, liberals can be Americans, too, only with a small “a,”) don’t know much about us Republicans. Just as we Republicans, sometimes, get it wrong about liberals. Here’s an example: not all liberals are gay. Did you know that? That’s news to some of us. Likewise, not all Democrats are communists, just most, (I want to try and get a little nuance in there.)
So, for the liberals out there, here is a day in the life of an average Republican.
I wake up at the crack of dawn, take off my camouflage pajamas, and go get me a big-ass cup of coffee, black, with a little cream. (Talk about integration!) Then, I sit down to read my favorite newspaper “The National Enquirer.” Because a man’s got to stay on top things, keep informed. I like a little music while I’m being educated, so I put on my favorite 8 track, “Songs From Ole Dixie.” Next, I get dressed, black on black, t-shirt, jeans, a 45, locked and loaded, ready to protect America from foreigners and other un-American types.
Since I’m retired, I head off down to the VFW. Now, I ain’t never served in no wars, especially no foreign wars. But I did live in Miami for a year, so they let me join, and honored me for my bravery. After knocking back a few dozen beers, while having some important conversations with other enlightened patriots about overthrowing the government (this was mostly during the Obama years,) I head out to patrol the city. You’ve always got to be prepared, so I make sure I’m ready to deal with whatever by running my checklist; 45, loaded? “Yep.” Stainless steel bowie knife, sharpened to a fine point? “You bet.” A-R 15, with plenty of spare ammo? “Hell yeah!”.
Next, I find me some gays, some foreigners, (including the kind who were born here,) maybe a transgender (whatever-the-hell that means,) and I keep an eye on em.’ And, if I see some foreign-born type, with one of them, head coverings, looking like Mo-ham-ed! I follow them, too, lettin’ them know, America’s watching. “You got that!” Real Americans. Not none of them half-way Americans, like liberals and such.
About that time, my trigger finger’s gettin’ kind’a itchy. So I go down to the swamp and blast the heads off of some of God’s woodland creatures, which makes me feel better. I mean, if God didn’t want us to kill, how come it’s so much fun?
About that time, it’s gettin’ kind’a late.
Heading home, at the end of a hard day, I thank the Lord that he made me an American, and not one of them foreign people. Do they got Budweiser beer? Hell no! Do they got Merle Haggard and re-runs of “Hee Haw?” Hell no!
And that, my friends, is what makes America, America.
Sincerely – The Republican