The Dream Sequence
The other day, on Facebook, someone sent me a picture of Jesus that read; “Pass this picture on after hitting "like" and receive a financial blessing.” Since I needed some cash, I hit “Like” and passed it on. And then I waited, and waited, and waited. But, no cash was forthcoming. What went wrong? Did I need to build my faith? Was my faith so lacking that this holy picture was resistant to my apparent faithlessness?
So, I practiced having faith and stood in front of a window at a jewelry store repeating over and over again “I believe! I believe! I believe!” Still, no valuable jewelry came my way. Even the purchase of a box of Cracker Jacks offered nothing, just a stick-on tattoo. That was it. This led me to the profound question “Why was this mysterious God of heaven and earth so resistant to my prayers for cash and other sundry valuables?” So, I decided to actually read the bible to find out.
Remarkably, it said nothing about mystical pictures of Jesus as cash producing totems of my religious conviction. This caused me much consternation. Who to believe; Facebook or the bible? Since the bible didn’t say want I wanted it to say, I thought Facebook seemed a good bet. “Maybe there was a church of Facebook?” I wondered. “Hmm? That would be cool.” I thought. But, Facebook lacked a cathedral or even an old country church, like the kind you see in movies, leaving me vexed and tired from all this deep thinking.
It was at this point, that I fell into a bottomless slumber (as people have a tendency to do when they’re about to have a dream sequence.) This, obviously, was no typical sleep, but a sleep of revelation. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. It was then that Jesus came to me, looking exactly like my favorite movie Jesus, so I knew that it was real. In my dream he said “Claude, why do you not trust me? Why are you vexed? Don’t you know that I’m pretty busy with war, famine, and pestilence? Your prayer for cash seemed a little a shallow, by comparison. Don’t you think?”
That’s when I said “Yes, Lord, but I saw it on Facebook. So I was just following your word.”
Suddenly, Jesus became visibly angry and said “I’m not on Facebook. I don’t do emails or Snap-chat, either. Maybe, you might want to read the bible. After all, that’s what’s it there for.”
At this point, I woke from my epic snooze and thought to myself “What a nightmare! Never again will I trust something, just because it sounds good. Maybe that’s not how God works?”
With that, I put my bible away and began searching furiously for a good Facebook prayer. After all, didn’t the bible say something like “Wherever two or more gather in my name, that’s where I’ll be.” And since there were a lot more than two, or even three people on Facebook, I knew that I was the right track.
So, I relaxed and waited for my blessing for a new pool, even though I rent a one bedroom apartment in a high-rise. Because all things are possible for them that the love the Lord….or something like that. I mean, I saw it on Facebook. So it must be true.
Amen.
Claude Hopper.
So, I practiced having faith and stood in front of a window at a jewelry store repeating over and over again “I believe! I believe! I believe!” Still, no valuable jewelry came my way. Even the purchase of a box of Cracker Jacks offered nothing, just a stick-on tattoo. That was it. This led me to the profound question “Why was this mysterious God of heaven and earth so resistant to my prayers for cash and other sundry valuables?” So, I decided to actually read the bible to find out.
Remarkably, it said nothing about mystical pictures of Jesus as cash producing totems of my religious conviction. This caused me much consternation. Who to believe; Facebook or the bible? Since the bible didn’t say want I wanted it to say, I thought Facebook seemed a good bet. “Maybe there was a church of Facebook?” I wondered. “Hmm? That would be cool.” I thought. But, Facebook lacked a cathedral or even an old country church, like the kind you see in movies, leaving me vexed and tired from all this deep thinking.
It was at this point, that I fell into a bottomless slumber (as people have a tendency to do when they’re about to have a dream sequence.) This, obviously, was no typical sleep, but a sleep of revelation. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. It was then that Jesus came to me, looking exactly like my favorite movie Jesus, so I knew that it was real. In my dream he said “Claude, why do you not trust me? Why are you vexed? Don’t you know that I’m pretty busy with war, famine, and pestilence? Your prayer for cash seemed a little a shallow, by comparison. Don’t you think?”
That’s when I said “Yes, Lord, but I saw it on Facebook. So I was just following your word.”
Suddenly, Jesus became visibly angry and said “I’m not on Facebook. I don’t do emails or Snap-chat, either. Maybe, you might want to read the bible. After all, that’s what’s it there for.”
At this point, I woke from my epic snooze and thought to myself “What a nightmare! Never again will I trust something, just because it sounds good. Maybe that’s not how God works?”
With that, I put my bible away and began searching furiously for a good Facebook prayer. After all, didn’t the bible say something like “Wherever two or more gather in my name, that’s where I’ll be.” And since there were a lot more than two, or even three people on Facebook, I knew that I was the right track.
So, I relaxed and waited for my blessing for a new pool, even though I rent a one bedroom apartment in a high-rise. Because all things are possible for them that the love the Lord….or something like that. I mean, I saw it on Facebook. So it must be true.
Amen.
Claude Hopper.