Talkin’ Blues: A White Social Justice Warrior Meets a Bluesman
Talkin’ Blues: A White Social Justice Warrior Meets a Bluesman
Bluesman - When I was a boy...we’d get the family together; uncles, cousins, grandma and grandpa and such, and we’d have a country picnic, playin blues all night long. Everybody would get drunk on moonshine liquor. They called it White Lightning.
interviewer – Didn’t you have any Black Lightning? I mean, didn’t it make you feel bad...having to drink “White Lightning”...like you were too poor and disenfranchised to drink “Black Lightning?”
Bluesman – Huh?
interviewer – You must’ve felt like “I can’t even get drunk, without Mr. Charlie’s Caucasian liquor? When can I get me some Black Liquor?”
Bluesman – Huh?
interviewer – I think everyone should have their own politically correct moonshine: Black Lightning, Gay Lightening, Gender-non-conforming lightning.
Bluesman - Huh?
Interviewer - Go ahead...tell me about your family’s country picnic.
Bluesman – Well...we’d kill a hog, and all the musicians would bring they instruments, and man...we’d play, and people would dance. We had a time! And then everybody would still be at church the next morning, worshiping. You know what I mean?
interviewer – Was that because you were compelled by Mr. Charlie to worship as the White man worshiped?
Bluesman – Huh? I’m a Christian. And who-the-hell is Mr. Charlie?
interviewer – Don’t you know that Voodoo is your authentic African religion?
Bluesman – Huh?
interviewer – Tell me about your folk-medicines...your religious and cultural totems.
Bluesman– You mean...like aspirin and penicillin, and the Bible? My momma gave me a beautiful cross when I was boy for my birthday and…….
interviewer – No! Dammit! Those are the White man’s cultural totems. I’m talking about things like...John the conquer-root, or a black cat bone...a mojo-hand. Don’t you know anything about your own culture?
Bluesman – What-the-hell you talking bout,’ White boy? I know this...I’ll knock the shit out you if you disrespect me again! Don’t tell me about my culture!
interviewer – That’s what I’m talking about! Violence, sex, death, moonshine liquor, voodoo rituals! You know! Authentic blues stuff.
Bluesman – Alright! This interview is over! Get yo’ White, college-boy ass off my property, before I hit you so hard...your momma won’t love you no more!
interviewer – That’s it! Give me some more of that kind of talk! Have you ever killed a man and wrote a song about it? Now it’s getting good!
Bluesman – Listen, you dumb motherf...er, I ain’t never killed nobody. I graduated from high school, and when I get sick, I go to the damn doctor, just like you.
interviewer – Oh. Well...I guess that’s that. We need to find an authentic bluesman. Do you know any?
Bluesman – Huh?
Bust'a Crab
Bluesman - When I was a boy...we’d get the family together; uncles, cousins, grandma and grandpa and such, and we’d have a country picnic, playin blues all night long. Everybody would get drunk on moonshine liquor. They called it White Lightning.
interviewer – Didn’t you have any Black Lightning? I mean, didn’t it make you feel bad...having to drink “White Lightning”...like you were too poor and disenfranchised to drink “Black Lightning?”
Bluesman – Huh?
interviewer – You must’ve felt like “I can’t even get drunk, without Mr. Charlie’s Caucasian liquor? When can I get me some Black Liquor?”
Bluesman – Huh?
interviewer – I think everyone should have their own politically correct moonshine: Black Lightning, Gay Lightening, Gender-non-conforming lightning.
Bluesman - Huh?
Interviewer - Go ahead...tell me about your family’s country picnic.
Bluesman – Well...we’d kill a hog, and all the musicians would bring they instruments, and man...we’d play, and people would dance. We had a time! And then everybody would still be at church the next morning, worshiping. You know what I mean?
interviewer – Was that because you were compelled by Mr. Charlie to worship as the White man worshiped?
Bluesman – Huh? I’m a Christian. And who-the-hell is Mr. Charlie?
interviewer – Don’t you know that Voodoo is your authentic African religion?
Bluesman – Huh?
interviewer – Tell me about your folk-medicines...your religious and cultural totems.
Bluesman– You mean...like aspirin and penicillin, and the Bible? My momma gave me a beautiful cross when I was boy for my birthday and…….
interviewer – No! Dammit! Those are the White man’s cultural totems. I’m talking about things like...John the conquer-root, or a black cat bone...a mojo-hand. Don’t you know anything about your own culture?
Bluesman – What-the-hell you talking bout,’ White boy? I know this...I’ll knock the shit out you if you disrespect me again! Don’t tell me about my culture!
interviewer – That’s what I’m talking about! Violence, sex, death, moonshine liquor, voodoo rituals! You know! Authentic blues stuff.
Bluesman – Alright! This interview is over! Get yo’ White, college-boy ass off my property, before I hit you so hard...your momma won’t love you no more!
interviewer – That’s it! Give me some more of that kind of talk! Have you ever killed a man and wrote a song about it? Now it’s getting good!
Bluesman – Listen, you dumb motherf...er, I ain’t never killed nobody. I graduated from high school, and when I get sick, I go to the damn doctor, just like you.
interviewer – Oh. Well...I guess that’s that. We need to find an authentic bluesman. Do you know any?
Bluesman – Huh?
Bust'a Crab