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​​Jeffrey Epstein & The Mysterious Case of The Infinite Pedophile Monkeys

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“Jeffrey Epstein & The Mysterious Case of The Infinite Pedophile Monkeys”

Jeffrey Epstein started his career as a school teacher, the same career path as many other billionaires, who began teaching math or history as a springboard to big-time, international finance.

Eventually, Epstein set up a very, very exclusive investment fund for billionaires. All any billionaire had to do was give Jeffrey one billion dollars, plus, complete control of that billion. No questions asked. Epstein actually had power of attorney to use the invested money as he saw fit. “Don’t question me again about your measly billion dollars!” Epstein would say to his clients if they should want to know where their money went. And, I guess, said billionaires would meekly acquiesce. Because they didn’t want to make Jeffrey mad. No sir!

So complete was Epstein’s control over his billionaire clients, billion-dollar investment, that not even family members of said billionaires, could question Epstein’s methods.

“Uh….Jeffrey, it says here you used 200 million to buy a private island….where’d you get the cash?”

All I can say is, Jeffrey Epstein must’ve been the single greatest investment brain in all history.

Accept, nobody seems to know anything about his investment portfolio.

Jeffrey Epstein’s various residences, apparently, were wired for sound. Probably, so he could get some good “Investment tips,” about how to best turn billions, into even more billions.

​For years now, Jeffrey Epstein was known as a pedophile, with close ties to powerful people, most notably the Clintons, Bill and Hill. Bill flew on “The Lolita Express” some 26 times, 5 times without the secret service present, so I’ve read.

I guess the plane was too crowded.

This does not, of course, mean that Bill or Hill killed Jeffrey Epstein. Or, any number of other high profile Democrats, who were implicated in Epstein’s pedophile ring. And, it wouldn't amaze me one dang bit, if Republicans and other sundry scoundrels were involved, as well. As the saying goes, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

One more thing: no one in 20 years, was able to kill themselves in the high-security prison, where Jeffrey Epstein resided. Again, that’s what I’ve heard. But, let’s be honest, Jeffrey was an exceptionally clever boy. How else do you explain his ability to get billionaires to give him god-like control over their billion-dollar investment? No questions asked.

There are probably, endless mysteries surrounding Jeffrey Epstein. They, however, can likely be explained away using Emile Borrel’s “Infinite Monkey Theorem.” One that works something like this:

Let's say an infinite number of pedophile monkeys, happened to produce just one highly improbable, wall street investment genius? Maybe, just maybe, then, you could explain the very mysterious life, wealth, and death of Jeffrey Epstein.

“Yeah! That’s the ticket!” The mainstream press offer rhetorically.

“It’s all about infinite wall street genius monkeys. Now, don’t you conspiracy nuts say another damned thing about Jeffrey Epstein, or Bill and Hill, or any other Democrats!" 

"You got it!"


"The Republicans, on the other hand? Now, there’s a good theory.”

“Yeah….that’s the ticket!”

Mark Magula