God Debunks Global Warming
Today, God debunked global warming, once again. It’s damned cold for Florida. How cold? I’m, not sure? But cold! I mean, I got a call last night from an American crocodile, down there in the Everglades. Apparently, he still had a leftover Obama-phone, so he says, “Mark! What’s with this cold? If it gets any colder, I’ll freeze to death!”
So, I says; “Ted” (his name was Ted the crocodile) God’s got to disprove global warming—because it’s total horseshit—just an excuse to regulate the behavior of Americans and gullible Europeans. (Is there any other kind?) You know, it’s about more taxes. More power for the feds. More control. That’s why God and President Trump have teamed up, to save the world from well-meaning liberals.
“Oh! I got it!” said Ted. “In that case, I’ll hang in there. I’ll dive deep and pray for some sun. With God on the ball and Trump in the White House, it seems I got a pretty good chance of getting my prayers answered.”
“Exactly!” I says. And then Ted signed off with; “See you later alligator.”
“After while crocodile," I said in response.
Then we both sighed with relief, knowing that God and Trump were in charge and that everything would be A-okay. And, let's not forget, Global warming is total horseshit. If you can remember that much, we just might get somewhere.
Sincerely, Fester Bestertester
So, I says; “Ted” (his name was Ted the crocodile) God’s got to disprove global warming—because it’s total horseshit—just an excuse to regulate the behavior of Americans and gullible Europeans. (Is there any other kind?) You know, it’s about more taxes. More power for the feds. More control. That’s why God and President Trump have teamed up, to save the world from well-meaning liberals.
“Oh! I got it!” said Ted. “In that case, I’ll hang in there. I’ll dive deep and pray for some sun. With God on the ball and Trump in the White House, it seems I got a pretty good chance of getting my prayers answered.”
“Exactly!” I says. And then Ted signed off with; “See you later alligator.”
“After while crocodile," I said in response.
Then we both sighed with relief, knowing that God and Trump were in charge and that everything would be A-okay. And, let's not forget, Global warming is total horseshit. If you can remember that much, we just might get somewhere.
Sincerely, Fester Bestertester