Day Two: God Continues To Debunk Global Warming
Dear Diary
Day two: God continues to debunk global warming.
Perhaps climate change is more appropriate. After all, the climate is always changing. Should the words “Climate Change” no longer suffice, I suggest “Global Norming,” as a fine substitute. That way we can cover all the bases.
People will ask; “Hey! What’s the temperature?”
Followed by; “The same as yesterday!”
This will then be reason enough to raise taxes and create a plethora of new regulations to govern wayward human behavior, which has brought about this catastrophe of “Global Norming.” From there, clever scientists will offer computer models based on their projections.
“Let’s see? Hmm? If the climate remains the same, as it has for the past two weeks, it could be catastrophic! I think we need to lobby Congress for more money!”
And, here’s the best part, scientists can’t lie, because they’re scientists. But only as long as they agree with the overwhelming consensus, arrived at by whichever political party can raise the most money, thereby guaranteeing a steady flow of tax dollars for research and paid-for-all-expense junkets to the Virgin Islands.
I mean, think of Darwin. Darwin made his greatest intellectual leap when he went to the Galapagos Islands, way back in 1831, wherein Darwin observed evolution in action.
Now, it should be obvious, that the Virgin Islands are islands, too. Thus, when scientists and politicians travel on all-expense-paid-for junkets to such places, they’re doing science, just like Darwin. Furthermore, should you disagree that the climate is changing, sometimes hotter, sometimes colder, sometimes remaining the same, you should be burned at the stake as a witch.
Yes. That is how science works; make claims that are so broadly defined, they can mean anything. Then lobby Congress to declare all dissenters heretics, worthy of death. Or, at the very least, worthy of losing their grants and positions in universities. Death, however, is preferable as a long-term solution for the problem of climate heresy.
I hope this explains how global warming, aka, climate change, aka, global norming work. Or, at the very least, what’s behind it all. M – O – N – E – Y.
You, got it?
You’d damned-well better!
Sincerely, Fester Bestertester
Day two: God continues to debunk global warming.
Perhaps climate change is more appropriate. After all, the climate is always changing. Should the words “Climate Change” no longer suffice, I suggest “Global Norming,” as a fine substitute. That way we can cover all the bases.
People will ask; “Hey! What’s the temperature?”
Followed by; “The same as yesterday!”
This will then be reason enough to raise taxes and create a plethora of new regulations to govern wayward human behavior, which has brought about this catastrophe of “Global Norming.” From there, clever scientists will offer computer models based on their projections.
“Let’s see? Hmm? If the climate remains the same, as it has for the past two weeks, it could be catastrophic! I think we need to lobby Congress for more money!”
And, here’s the best part, scientists can’t lie, because they’re scientists. But only as long as they agree with the overwhelming consensus, arrived at by whichever political party can raise the most money, thereby guaranteeing a steady flow of tax dollars for research and paid-for-all-expense junkets to the Virgin Islands.
I mean, think of Darwin. Darwin made his greatest intellectual leap when he went to the Galapagos Islands, way back in 1831, wherein Darwin observed evolution in action.
Now, it should be obvious, that the Virgin Islands are islands, too. Thus, when scientists and politicians travel on all-expense-paid-for junkets to such places, they’re doing science, just like Darwin. Furthermore, should you disagree that the climate is changing, sometimes hotter, sometimes colder, sometimes remaining the same, you should be burned at the stake as a witch.
Yes. That is how science works; make claims that are so broadly defined, they can mean anything. Then lobby Congress to declare all dissenters heretics, worthy of death. Or, at the very least, worthy of losing their grants and positions in universities. Death, however, is preferable as a long-term solution for the problem of climate heresy.
I hope this explains how global warming, aka, climate change, aka, global norming work. Or, at the very least, what’s behind it all. M – O – N – E – Y.
You, got it?
You’d damned-well better!
Sincerely, Fester Bestertester